Home   WhosWho   LocalNews  Events  Headlines   Feedback

www.myall-lakes.com 

 

A transcript of the address given by David Barker

BULAHDELAH MEN'S BREAKFAST: 19 FEBRUARY 2005 

I'm glad to be here to share a bit about what's happening in my little comer of the yard. Thanks for the big pay cheque you 'wanna' give me for coming to speak today. Dave [our breakfast coordinator] always calls the speaker priceless so I think I've just been promoted from worthless to priceless.

But seriously, just looking around here I can see all you blokes are well adjusted and successful in life and work - and I can see none of you have any worries or problems of any kind. You all have good solid income, perfect marriages and no problem with your kids or grandkids.

I read the other day

                        Marriage is the number one cause of divorce, statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage !

Another one I read

                        I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -I don't like to interrupt her.

A little bit by the way of intro, I've been married to Kathy for 27 years. We have two adults Judd 20 and Elisa 18 who's just left home to go to Uni. We have lived in Bulahdelah since 1981. Kathy grew up here. I'm self-employed dividing my time between small building jobs and furniture removals. I like variety!

Today I want to talk about my journey learning about trust.

We place trust in all sorts of things in our life:

But when that trust is broken we can become very untrusting. You can just imagine how someone who survived a plane crash would feel about flying again or perhaps if you crossed the Harbour Bridge in Sydney and it fell down, you probably wouldn't want to cross an old wooden bridge like Frys Creek bridge they just pulled down. We take on an element of fear about doing those things again.

Trust is one of the biggest issues that has created the most dramas in my life. It was the inability to crust anyone else but myself.

As a newborn my father had an affair with the local minister's wife in Sydney, and left as mum came home from hospital with babe in arms. Mum was left in a stressful situation, having no income; two small children; the house and car repossessed.

So life for me started out a little shaky. Psychologists say basic crust is built in through constant care, feeding and nurturing as an infant. We learn to crust and relax in that care when our mother feeds and cares for us as a babe-

As a fairly young boy I can remember saying - I don't need anybody's help. I thought the only person I could crust was myself. There were too many hurts, and life was full of confusion. So, like a tortoise I pulled my head in, I withdrew to stay out of the way. I wanted to be "all by myself". I didn't want to include anyone else in my life because of the possibility of getting hurt again.

There comes a point where all of this wears a bit thin. I wore a front to convince the rest of the world that all was well on the inside. But in fact there was a can of worms happening. You've seen those shops where they have nice neon signs/ flashing lights out the front but you go round the back -garbage mess.

The shop front I had on was to prove to the world everything was OK on the inside -I don't need you to come close enough to hurt me. So, of course, some years later the old body couldn't take it any more. I needed other people more than ever but the difficult part was how could I let other people into my life without getting hurt?

Back when I was a kid about 10 we lived above an old shop -a bit of a dive - but out the back there was a lane and every day this old lady would come up the lane. She had holes in her cardigan elbows and looked a bit grubby but she had string bags full of meat. As she walked up the back lane, cats would come out from everywhere! I' d say she spent all her pension feeding these cats, she cared more for these stray cats that she did about herself.

Now if I went anywhere near these cats they'd arch their back and hiss and spit - they would not let you anywhere near them! I guess they lacked trust.

When I was about 16 I decided I would try to follow God. But to trust? Trust wasn't something I was very good at. There was this inner conflict going on inside. I wanted to trust but you open up the possibility of being hurt again, so you pull back!

The same thing happened through the girlfriend era. One day after many failed relationships, I said to God if you want me to have a wife you'll have to find me one cause I can't get it right! It was a desperate call. I wanted someone to love me but I didn't know how to love or be loved. There's a song "Looking for love in all the wrong places" .That was it!

So not too many months later I met Kathy. She was all I could hope for! She was bright and happy. She was my little ray of sunshine. Thank you God.

But alas! It wasn't too many years after being married things started to go wrong. Kathy got sick. Nobody knew what was wrong. Doctor after doctor couldn't tell what was wrong. Some years went by - more hospitals and doctors. Two kids appeared.

Me trying to look after sick wife, build a home, earn a living, people not understanding because there was a sickness with no name. In the middle of this a friend of mine was killed which I felt responsible for .

Gradually, I was coming to the end of my resourcefulness. Kathy was sick for 14 years, everything just got too much. I started to get very angry!

I thought God only gave good things. I got angry at God. One day the bonnet cable of the car snapped and so did I. I started yelling at God out in the paddock. I shook my fist at God. Why have you allowed this to happen? I don't understand what you're doing to me. I guess God closed his ears to a few indecent words that day.

A few days later I broke out in boils and my anger began to subside.

God was gradually and steadily breaking down my independent spirit a little bit at a time, bringing me to the end of my resources, showing me I wasn't in charge of my life.

I believed the lie that I could control my life, I could stop the hurt in my life. I was kidded into thinking I could control what happened in my life - that I was in charge. I had tried to do , everything " all by myself" .I couldn't let anyone else hurt me.

So gradually, as a loving God would do, he allowed circumstances to come to bring me to a place of surrender. Just as I got desperate looking for a wife, I now got desperate to give up my independence.

Desperate enough to ask God to help! Guess what? He did!

Why do we wait so long? Kathy finally got well and a little while later in 1998 I ended up with Glandular Fever for two years. Three months in bed!!

For the first time in years I just felt happy to do nothing much. But when I was quiet, God began to show me through all sorts of ways that he did love me and care about me. I had been so busy making an impression on the world I didn't have time to stop and listen.

Just like that old lady and those stray cats God the Father was getting my confidence.

He showed, using some of the blokes here, that he is God and it was worth placing my trust in him. He does bring healing to our lives BUT we have to chuck our independence.

I have come to a place of resting where I want to say to God - Show me what you want me to do, I want to do your stuff. I've tried all my stuff.

The more we learn to trust God with our lives the better it gets!!

Life certainly throws some tricky stuff at us. In a time where the world is rocked by supernatural events there is only one thing that is stable and secure - that's our relationship with God, nothing else matters!

I don't need to prove myself to limy little world". I am secure in 'God's love for me. He's been there waiting all along for me to give in. But I was fighting tooth and nail to keep my independence.

Following God's way is the only way I'm going to have peace in my heart.

A few weeks back I went to Tea Gardens to see the new parson throwing his hat in the ring. The thing that impressed me was seeing a whole heap of you fellers hanging out together - friendship - mateship.

Independence is not good for us. We blokes need each other . When I see how some blokes here have helped me through the struggles, I know by rubbing shoulders with each other through  the journey of life we can improve each other, so we can be better husbands; fathers; grandfathers; and sons.

It's always a mistake to try to struggle on by ourselves. That song "Put a smile upon your face as if there's nothing wrong". Don't do it!!

I don't know about you but I've had a few problems living with my little ray of sunshine for 27 years. I bet none of you blokes have. But each time when backed up to the wall I've asked God to help and guess what ? God came in and renewed my love for Kathy. Why did I wait till I was at my wits end ? - Independence, pride and lack of trust.

I know what love is.

God created us with a plan in mind. When we fulfil that plan, that's where we find the most satisfaction.

Now if I take my car swimming I know it's not going to last long. It wasn't made for it. The manufacture didn't make Henry Fords for swimming. We convince ourselves that we're happiest doing what we 'wanna' do! But really we're happiest when we do what the manufacturer made us for -Henry's love cruising on the highway, not swimming.

I' m not here to sell you religion. Don't get me wrong - if we follow God we should be part of a church where we can join with people to grow and learn about God. What I am saying is it's about our personal walk with God. It's about hearing God's voice day by day.

It's about being in tune with the manufacturer. The one who made us for a purpose.

Jesus told a story about sheep. A shepherd had 100 sheep, one got lost. So the shepherd parked the 99 safe and secure sheep and went looking for the one silly sheep that got lost. I was the lost sheep.

So are all ewes. Jesus didn't want any sheep to perish out there by themselves.

There's another verse about sheep.

We all like sheep have gone astray, each of us to his own way. Notice the we all. None of us are exempt because of race, colour or belief. None of us can point the finger at anyone else. It says we all.

We all like doing our own thing.

Independence is a lonely place to be. Being able to share your good times and bad times together with friends and with God is the best place to be. Trusting him.

More than anything today I just want you to leave with the truth that God has shown me, that He is trustworthy! He is worth putting our trust in! Don't believe the rubbish and lies! People tell you this or that? God is the only one who is trustworthy.

It's the trust issue. We all at sometime struggle with trust. We get hurt from time to time trusting in other people -even the people closest to us.

God remains the same. He is the same yesterday, today and 'forever. He is the only thing in this life that is predictable, that never changes.

We can bring our worries and fears and concerns to him every minute of every day. We can lay back in the confidence that God doesn't change. He's not changeable like us. He's always waiting for us to give up our independence and start leaning on him.

He made us for a reason. He made us in his own image. Man is the pinnacle of all creation that God made. We were created to reflect God. We were created to rule over the plants and animals, to be fruitful and multiply. We were made for relationship with God and our fellow man. God said it was not good for man to be alone. Yet we choose to be independent. We choose to go our own way.

God is able to help us in our time of need. We can ask at any time for help with our lives. I had the dubious privilege of being in Cyclone Tracey [1975] in Darwin and seeing great trees and buildings being thrown about. I can't honestly believe this world just happened, just came together .

This was the work of a master planner. But we want to hang out for our lonely (stinking) independence.

                                I've got a friend in Jesus

                                He walks beside me everyday ,

                                I share my cares and worries for the future

                                I don't have to walk alone again.

I've lived in dysfunction. Now I can live with the God who created order. Isaiah 42:5 says "The Lord God who created the heavens and stretched them out and created the earth and everything in it. He gives life and breath and spirit to everyone in all the world".

He is the one to trust in, even though for me it's taken 34 years or so to the learn the lesson. He has shown me he is trustworthy. '

He can be trusted!!

 top of page

Home   WhosWho   LocalNews   Headlines  Events  Feedback

www.myall-lakes.com